Elegant death. The seabirds at the Atlantic beach we walk on have such an elegant, touching death sequence. I believe they do this when they die a natural death. They must know it is their time and they touch down on the beach for their final time. Once on the sand they rest lightly and fold their long, swanlike neck back so that their head lies gently on the sand next to their wing. They turn their head ever so slightly so that one eye is looking heavenward, the other to the ground. Their body is tilted ever so slightly so that one wing is loosely pinned under their body and the other is exposed to the sky. They rest their head next to this wing....the one that is skyward. And so...we find this creature, serene, eye opened to the sky. We find this elegant death because as the ocean breezes blow gently towards this submitting end, the wing that is not pinned is lifted up, one last time, by the breath of heaven...so that it declares stretched to full span like a flag, or a sail....goodbye friends, goodbye sea and sand, goodbye life and peace is found in death and the breeze and the salt air.

I had three teeth pulled today. I trembled in the chair and tears slipped down both cheeks. I was afraid. Truly afraid. I was afraid of hurting really bad but I truly felt nothing once the very adept Specialist went to work. He and his assistant were Slavs of some ilk. His kind assistant said, "Heh is vury, vury guuut, you vill see. You dunt vurry, rilly...." She was right. The worst were the six shots of pain killer in the roof of my mouth...not guuut. Rock got my pain killer prescription filled, made me an awesome smoothie and homemade baked mac and cheese and popped a chick flick into the DVD player for me. How amazing to have Rock as my hubbie. Thank you Lord.

Valentines Day. Nice day with Rock. We watched church on TV (Charles Stanley) and then snooped around in Goodwill stores and Target! Talked with Mom. She reported that she and dad had a bat in their house this past week. They live in Minnesota and it has been a very cold and snowy winter...so...a bat in the house. Hmmm...mom went on about how the cats (there are two, George, who showed up the day of my brothers funeral, thus God's regift....and Chewy, named after Chewbacka (?) from Star Wars because she looks a tad alien....I guess.) anyhow, the cats got all riled up and agitated BECAUSE THERE WAS A BAT IN THE HOUSE! So that was mom's news...But MOM! Where is the bat???? Oh, she thinks it went into the basement...they hibernate you know. Well, no sense in upsetting the balance of nature by destroying the bat or casting it out into the great white winter of sure bat death. The bat is, evidently, minding the house rules and gets to stay as long as it does not upset the brother cat and or chewy, the alien feline.....we should have been so lucky while growing up in the very same household.

Rock and I went and saw Avatar today. Fabulous...the story was very moving. Just listened to Appollo Ono who asked himself, "Have I done everything I can today to make myself the best I can be?" He said its a hard question to answer yes to every day. Well, no kidding! I start everyday with Oswald Chambers devotional (which I can barely get my head around) and then I move on to Elizabeth Cowmans devotional (which I have used for over 10 years) What I am saying is that I start each day with God first in my thoughts. The questions and challenges that I have all seem to get sifted out. Tomorrow is Valentines Day. I love Rock more than ever, not the same, better, longer, stronger and purer.

Got a bonus! Went shopping! New Dooney All Weather Leather, Black. Leslie happy....I also hit the Baby Gap store and had great fun picking out clothes for the grandbabies. I am watching the Opening Ceremonies for the Vancouver Winter Olympics. I am an Olympics junkie. The spirit of competition and pride of country are irresistable to me. Next week I will book travel to Dallas, Minnesota (beloved grandson here I come!) and Las Vegas. Las Vegas is for AmazingM and WillyB's wedding. I am so excited for AmazingM....my one and fantabulous, gorgeous, smart and caring daughter. She is amazing. I am praying that #1son can be there. Money is tight. Hopefully God will provide and we will all be able to witness AmazingM get married. Happy Friday all. Keep it real.

Son1 and wife1 have moved to a city with belovedgrandson. Son1 has no job. Ah youth....the eternal optimism. I have shared my opinion which is, "Get a job.". The wisdom of my actions now rests in saying no more and praying alot. Rock and I agree that we will not interfere with our childrens' right to fail. Urg...

So at 50+ years of age, here I am no longer a bleached blonde and firmly at ease with my "fiftiness", fitness, family and faith. The silly crap of insecurities is largely gone or, even better, squared off and well....eh...who cares. We should have some insecurities with which we live. Does my rear look big in these jeans? Did I say the right thing there? Whatever. I have become so much more forgiving of myself. People do not curl up and die because I have said something to them that was remotely rude or insensitive. Nor will they truly value me by how my clothes fit my bum. Oh the revelation that I am the worst critic of myself! There are those that post pics of their "rich hubby" (and label it so!), or the price of everything they own, or the size of a house or (horrors!) an RV, to represent their worth...these quietly desperate phrases keep me grounded and more determined to "represent" my authentic self. So, from this brown haired girl....until next time...